Taking the Scenic Route
by Exciton
Summary: When something happens to Prince Laharl during the Jotunheim campaign, his vassals have to return to the keep on foot. Mild humor, unnecessary violence. Disgaea DS.


I do not own Disgaea or any characters that you recognize. Nippon Ichi does. Some character names are not my creations. I gave Laharl an axe instead of a sword. It's not some pansy weapon, like a gun, right? Don't stab me. Also, this is my first fic, so please review and let me know what to improve.

This story is set in 5-4 and is an alternate ending.

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Laharl swung the Steel Axe in a wide arc, lopping off the heads of a pair of disturbingly attractive succubi. A pair of red-haired heads tumbled past his feet as he recovered from the strike. A massive burst of yellow light knocked him to the ground, his trusty axe cluttering to the snow beside him. He could hear the sound of a dozen prinnies exploding somewhere behind him and he growled. Partly deafened by the explosion, he clambered to his feet and started shouting at the servants he could find nearby.

"Exocet! Blackpearl! Come with me! We're going after that she-beast!"

Etna tapped him on the shoulder and he whirled around, her eyes only scant inches from his own.

"Prince, where do you want me? I know you haven't forgotten about your loyal servant Etna…"

His hair burst upwards as his eyes flared yellow and rage boiled off his fearsome demon visage.

"You! Loyal? You poisoned me so hard I slept for two years! You took that picture of me doing…you know..._that…._and gave it to a mortal enemy. It was…so…" He paused, looking for the appropriate word. Given his limited vocabulary, this took longer than it should have. he eventually found it. "Evil." He said the word with a terrifying smile.

Etna closed her eyes and grinned, bouncing twice on her bare feet. "Yay! Now, let's go kill these walking male fantasies and get my memories back from that pathetic vampire lord."

He turned over his shoulder and snarled back at Etna, "We're here to burn that picture. No other reason." He didn't wait for her response. Laharl shouldered the axe and glanced left and right, indicating to Exocet and Blackpearl that they would be charging momentarily. He dug in his heels in the thick, powdery snow. The cold Jotunheim wind burned his thin demon skin and he once more fantasized about setting the whole realm ablaze. When everyone acknowledged his true Overlord-ness, he could do it. And he would.

With a wordless cry of rage he burst forward from behind the small snow dune, Exocet hot on his heels and the other two following behind. He vaulted over the bodies of several succubi. He had to dance around the wreckage of exploded prinnies. His eyes zeroed in on the battle ahead. A dwindling group of succubi were heavily engaged against the bulk of his forces, anchored by Maderas, who was mowing through the mechanical penguins like a lawnmower through tall grass. Before he could bellow a challenge to the disgusting freak of a Boss, the snow exploded in front of him and a huge mass blocked his way. Laharl skidded into the thing, bouncing off hard and again losing his grip on the axe. A small corner of his brain made a note to have that Rosen Queen Company girl attach a better grip to the killing blade.

An ice golem loomed over the young Prince, its massive fists and glowing yellow eyes looking ready to kill. It cocked back one fist and he rolled to the side, avoiding the blow easily. It followed with the other, and he rolled back in the other direction. This time he only avoided being pancaked by a small margin. He didn't have to dodge again as a bright green light lit up the golem. Snow whipped up into the air around him, stinging his exposed skin and temporarily blinding him. The Prince didn't waste any time, jumping to his feet and grabbing his Steel Axe again. When the snow settled down he saw only the Golem's flank. Without waiting for it to react, he jumped high into the air and used his demonic powers to slam the axe down with all his might. The blade sliced through the Golem's left arm, severing it just below the shoulder. Recoil knocked the Prince back off his feet and he slid a few feet across the snow. The snowy creature bellowed in pain and anger, a mistake that cost it its life. Laharl saw a black arrow lazily tracing a path across the sky before it punctured the Golem's glowing eyes. Passing right through into what passed for a brain, the arrow pinned the creature to the ground as it thrashed through its death throes.

With that distraction taken care of, the young Prince wasted no time in searching out Maderas. The Boss was not hard to find. Surrounded by the finest warriors of Prince's army, the Boss was fighting and _winning. _His tornado-like attack broke up the flanking move by Elazul and Hoggmeiser, knocking the latter demon off of the path and into the cryogenic liquid below. The overweight pig-king froze solid instantly, its snout permanently locked into an angry snarl. Hashtag's ice spear passed through the vampire's body as if it were made of smoke. Flonne was tending to Aeris' wounds and Laharl cursed to see the powerful mage girl out of the fight. Augustine was nowhere to be found, and with Saria laying dead back at the Keep, he only had his three current companions to call upon as reinforcements. It would be enough for the most evil Overlord in all of the Lower Realm to defeat this pathetic Boss.

Laharl didn't bother with a plan. Let the angels make plans. Demons acted. He roared out a challenge to Maderas.

"Hey You! Yeah, you! I'm here to kill you."

Etna shook her head. "Prince, is that the best you can do? It wasn't witty, it wasn't scary, it wasn't even that loud. I've heard better challenges from prinnies."

Laharl would have probably violently objected to Etna's criticism if he hadn't already leapt high into the sky, his giant axe gleaming brightly as he prepared to slice Maderas into two ugly pieces. A boulder preceded the blade, pounding the snow into a deep pit before the axe blade followed and stuck fast in the ice. Maderas laughed evilly, his extended mockery giving the young Prince enough time to pull his blade out from the ground. Not fazed by the missed strike, he dashed forward, the blade swinging around in a wide arc, ready to cleave the sleazy vampire in two. Maderas slid backwards, unfazed. His eyes widened comically as a spear burst through his chest, quickly withdrawn only to be jabbed back through three more times by a much shorter demoness. Etna's strike didn't kill him, of course, but even Laharl noticed that his opponent was weakened. Laharl backflipped away from the vampire lord, knowing that his mages were preparing to strike. If they wanted to live, anyways, they would be about to bring the pain.

He was not disappointed. A small tornado began gathering in the cloud banks above, rotating quicker and quicker as it grew towards the ground. Meanwhile Maderas had begun floating into the air, arms flailing comically, as a distant archer drew back her heavy-draw bow and prepared to loose the debilitating strike. The arrow rocketed across the battlefield and stuck fast in Maderas' shoulder, but before he could fall to the ground, the tornado from above caught up to him. Shreds of clothing and rotten gray skin flaked off as Laharl watched, fascinated. It looked like he wouldn't have to finish the job and that angered him. He moved forward just in time to see the enemy emerge from the dervish in a spitting rage, clearly the worse for wear and yet still strong enough to overcome Exocet's powerful battle magic.

Laharl reached the wounded and confused vampire lord within moments. Not wasting time with a more powerful attack, he chose a simple decapitating strike with the trusty axe. Maderas had time to widen his eyes in surprise before the blade sliced through his neck and lopped off his arrogant head. A rush of energy surged out from the defeated enemy, knocking down Laharl and signaling to everyone that the battle had been won. The few surviving succubi took to flight, their powerful wings carrying them quickly out of range of Blackpearl's arrows. For the first time since coming to this frozen wasteland, Laharl smiled. It was a good day to kill.

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((((((((((((( The Battle's Aftermath )))))))))))))

Leaning on his axe, he looked around the battlefield. Prinnies rifled through the slain, searching for something shiny. Aeris hobbled along with an arm around Exocet's shoulder. Elazul sat with Hashtag, both munching on Hellflour cakes. Hrothgar was reenacting the final moments of the battle with Maderas to whatever younger prinnies he could force into listening. The young Prince couldn't find Flonne or Etna, though, and that worried him. They were probably plotting against him, or at least giggling about something he'd done.

He decided to be somewhere else when said plotting happened and headed for the late Boss' lair. For an arrogant upstart, Maderas had maintained a very humble ice cavern as his home. Laharl strode confidently along the slick ice floors, crossing the central corridor in search of treasure. He slipped suddenly, pitching to the ground. He pushed up off his hands and fell again, collapsing all the way to the ice. Slowly pulling himself together and standing back up again, he whirled around, looking to see whether anyone had watched him lose his dignity. Good. No one else would have to die today.

In the third barren ice chamber he found what he'd been searching for. A single chest sat in the center of the room. He harrumphed, having expected something more impressive from such a prideful foe. He reached out his long fingers to rip off the top until a tickling on the back of his neck startled him.

Etna stood right behind him, the tip of her tail waving in front of his eyes. She didn't look like she was plotting anything, Laharl thought to himself. Nonetheless, he didn't let down his guard. He asked suspiciously, "What are you doing here?"

She replied innocently, "I wouldn't touch that chest, my Prince. Maderas enchanted it with a powerful curse that will freeze solid anyone that touches it."

He snorted. "Tch. He had that same trick outside. My piggish vassal fell for it and it just sent him back into Valencia's clutches. Am I supposed to be scared of a little magic?"

She bobbed her head. "But Prince, that was just a lawn decoration to keep pests out. This is serious mojo to keep his most private possessions and embarrassing secrets safe. It's not the same."

The young Prince turned away from his most treacherous vassal, striding back towards the chest. "Your memories might be in here. You'll be a better vassal with them back. Should be some money, too. Besides, it couldn't be that bad. We won, didn't we?"

She sighed, her eyes downcast. "Don't say I didn't warn you…"

A flash of pale blue light lit up the room, reflecting brightly off the icy walls. Grateful for her leather gloves, the red-haired demon dragged her overlord's frozen body up out of the caves and onto the surface. Prinnies were milling around, and she saw most of the more powerful fighters sitting against a snowbank nearby. When they saw her, Flonne shot to her feet, rushing over to see who had been frozen solid. She let out a gasp to see that her Prince and student in love had been hurt.


End file.
